Listicle! The 10 Things I’m Thinking about Doing Right Now (and One Thing I’m Not)

February 23, 2015

It started at 4:40 AM. I know because I checked, and those were the numbers mocking me from the screen on my phone. I awoke to the sound of what I assumed must be someone using a giant trebuchet to launch stone boulders at a wall of sheet metal. It seemed the only logical explanation, but that may be due to it being 4:40 AM and me being not what you’d call coherent.

The first noises seemed like they might be an aberration, like a single, sudden roll of thunder in the desert that booms for miles. But there were more noises. Oh, so many more. And they won’t stop. They just…won’t…stop. Why won’t they STOP!?

It seems the trebuchet battle is complete, but now there is the sound of shearing metal and idling engines. I assume a BattleBots tournament has commenced, though the timing and location seem unlikely to draw a good crowd.

It turns out at least part of the racket was garbage collection. I don’t know what the insane metal grinding on metal noise was. It remains unexplained. I don’t really care what it was, but WHY WAS IT HAPPENING AT 4:40 IN THE MORNING!?

Okay, I get it. I live in the middle of the city. A little more noise is to be expected than if I lived in the middle of nowhere. In general I don’t mind that. I like the rest of living here enough to more than compensate for that. We get the sounds of emergency vehicles, traffic, occasional event noise like fireworks from baseball games, and hordes of drunk people (especially on Pedal Pubs). I’ll admit to having mixed feelings on that last item.

But this is nowhere near the first time. What’s more, we moved here from only about three blocks away and our previous spot was soooooo quiet. It was lovely. Oh how I miss it. I miss it so bad. I miss it so, so bad.

So what do I do about this? Here are the ten things I’m thinking about doing right now (and one thing I’m not).

  1. Writing a list of things I’m thinking about doing. That’s a good one. We’ll do that.
  2. So what else? How about go back to sleep? Hmm…unlikely, as it’s an hour later now, I’ve been up the whole time, and THERE IS STILL NOISE OUT THE WINDOW.
  3. Jumping. Off of the balcony that is. I’m not sure if this would serve as an ill-advised kamikaze-style attack on the trucks below or an unintentional suicide attempt. Should probably let this one marinate for awhile.
  4. Starting to pack up my apartment and just move. Don’t look back. Just leave, lease contract be damned. This seems like a vaguely tempting act of protest, but it also seems like a lot of work. Might have to wait.
  5. Going downstairs and politely asking the truck guys to bugger off for now and come back at a reasonable hour. Bet the guys working at 4:40 AM would feel really sorry for the guy who had his cuddle time with Mr. Blankie cut short.
  6. Make some coffee. This one actually sounds pretty good now that it’s almost 6AM. Yeah, I’m gonna do this one. BRB (in case you’re old, that means ‘be right back’)
  7. Me right now, pretty much.

    Okay. Back. That was a good decision. I am slightly less irritable right now. This, I presume, is due to the clutches of caffeine addiction regulating my mood in what might be an unhealthy way. But I digress! I am not here to fight that fight now! I have a different fight to fight.

  8. That last one wasn’t really a “thing I’m thinking about doing.” Broke the first rule of listicles. All list items should be about the thing you said the thing was about. Whoops. Getting back on track, right now I’m thinking about fixing #7.
  9. Decided not to. Been up for an hour and a half. I’m tired. Ain’t got time for that. Thinking about calling the building manager. Pretty sure I don’t have any more than her office number. Guessing she’s not there yet. Guessing she’s still asleep, like a human should be at this hour.
  10. Forget about it entirely. Let it go. Let it roll off my back. Take a deep breath and accept that sometimes life does not unfold as we wish. Just…no. This is dumb. I’m not doing that. I am an American, and I have been inconvenienced. This cannot stand. THE WORLD WILL KNOW OF MY STRUGGLE!

There you have it. The ten things I’m thinking about doing right now. Some of them I have since already done! Look at me seizing the day! So what’s the one thing I’m not thinking about doing right now? Here it is:

  1. Writing a separate post that is insightful or useful in some way. I’m tired. I’ll be spending the rest of my day whiny and ill-tempered, so this is what you get for today. Hope yours is better. Enjoy!

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